I shouldnt be scared to drop my kids off at elementary school

My kids last day of school of 2012 was Dec 14. The same day as the Sandy Hook shooting. I didnt hear anything about it until around 3pm, because I spent the day at school with the kids. It hit me. hard. There was a little girl, sweet Emilie Parker, who could be my daughter's twin. Both 7 years old, beautiful blonde hair, blue eyes and very similar personalities. It was like looking at my baby girl. I cried for days, when the kids werent looking. I have been so thankful that I didnt have to send them back to school. Hubby and I talked to both kids about the shooting. We didnt know if they would hear about it elsewhere, and we wanted to be the ones to talk to them about it. I have enjoyed having my kids home so much these last nearly 3 weeks. I wasnt ready for them to go back. We had a great Christmas and have so much fun playing with their new toys and stuff. Its been a great time. I truly didnt want it to end. I did, briefly, consider homeschooling, but it would be a disservice to my kids. They love their school and both are thriving. Today was the day I dreaded for 3 weeks. The kids first day back to school. I woke up with a feeling of dread. I got the kids up, made their breakfast and picked out their clothes. Did Mimi's hair and we got all their stuff ready to go. They were so excited. We get in the car line, and I feel a huge weight in my chest and the feeling of just getting out of the line and going home. I have NOT been pleased with our superintendant's reaction to the shooting and his supposed "plan" to keep our schools safer. My children's school is NOT secure. Yeah, the front and side doors stay locked and you have to be buzzed in the front door. However, there are mulitple portable classrooms at the back of the school, and the perimeter of the school has just a chain-link fence and all someone has to do is jump it and they have full access to the entire school. SO today, I dropped the most precious things in my life off, said a prayer, cried a little and came home feeling the need to blog my feelings. Maybe Im irrational, maybe I need to just chill. But as a country we are failing our kids. And its time that stopped.